with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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