i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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