Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
