here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
