So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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