Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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