remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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