girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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