apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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