i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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