So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you would pick up someone in the library
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Randomize
