fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
