Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
