i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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