My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
