I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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