Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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