I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
