it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
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