We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
