If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
