The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
