you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
