That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
