god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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