I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
