I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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