I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
