My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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