i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
