There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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