Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
