Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
