It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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