i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
