He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Randomize
