Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
