i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
