By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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