my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
