My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
