I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just gargled with NyQuil
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
