Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
