"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
