Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
