Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
