I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
