Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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