Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
