I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
