Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
