I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
